FOR YOUR HEALTH: A Honey Of A Solution To Rough, Dry Skin

(NAPSI)—When Mother Nature sends enough rough weather to make it tough to keep skin smooth, the good news is she also created a way to soften it up again. Notably, honey and other products you may already have right in your own kitchen.

Why Save The Skin You’re In

Skin is the body’s largest organ. It protects the other organs, makes you sensitive to touch and literally keeps you from evaporating. If it’s itchy, dry and cracked, it can affect your health and happiness.

Fortunately, honey is a pure, botanical product at an economical price point. It’s a natural humectant, meaning it takes moisture from the air and traps it. These healing, moisturizing qualities are why many expensive cosmetics contain premium honey. Raw honey is even used to help treat wounds and prevent scarring and it encourages growth of new tissues while hydrating skin. Honey naturally leaves skin soft and supple. It also fights off bad bacteria, tightens pores, protects skin from sun damage, and moisturizes.

Dry Skin Remedy Recipes

Here are two simple ways Aunt Sue’s Raw & Unfiltered Honey can help your skin feel more supple.

Aunt Sue’s Dry Skin Remedy

This soothing, dry-skin solution is easy and effective, taking only minutes to make with three simple ingredients.

1 tablespoon Aunt Sue’s Raw & Unfiltered Honey
1 teaspoon olive oil
Juice from ½ a lemon

Mix honey, olive oil and lemon juice in a bowl. Apply lotion to dry areas and let sit for 20 minutes. Wipe off with a warm washcloth. Repeat as needed.

Homemade Honey Hand Balm

Easy to make, this hand balm does wonders for dry skin and can be used as a lotion, hair conditioner or cuticle cream, as well.

½ cup coconut oil
¼ cup almond oil
5 tablespoons beeswax pastilles
1 tablespoon shea butter
1 ½ tablespoons Aunt Sue’s Raw & Unfiltered Honey
10−20 drops of lavender oil
8-ounce glass jar, or several small tins with lids

Combine all ingredients except the honey and lavender oil into a microwave-safe bowl. Heat in 30-second intervals for two minutes or until all ingredients have melted. Mix in the honey and lavender oil and immediately pour into the jar. Let cool to room temperature. To reach desired texture, melt the balm again and add or remove beeswax or lavender oil.

Aunt Sue’s Raw & Unfiltered Honey is pure, U.S. honey, produced by the Sioux Honey Association Co-op, representing 275-plus independent beekeepers and nearly 100 years of honey-producing experience.

Learn More

For further honey facts, tips and skin care recipes, go to

SPORTS & OUTDOORS: Efforts needed to save our moose from ticks

Roland D. Halleeby Roland D. Hallee

According to the Maine Department of Inland Fisheries and Wildlife, 73 percent of hunters harvested a moose during the last season. This was done despite warm spells in both September and October.

There were 2,080 permits issued, and 1,518 hunters were successful. That would lead you to believe that moose are plentiful.

Relatively speaking, this may be true. However, research by the department seems to indicate a drastic decline in our moose population. Once estimated at 90,000 moose, the population today could be as low as 50,000. With a substantial decline in the moose population also came the 50 percent reduction in moose permits issued last fall.

According to figures from the MDIFW, that is significant. The 73 percent success rate is consistent with the 71 percent success rate for moose hunters over the past five years. This is compared to turkey hunters who are generally about 30 percent, bear hunters are successful 25 percent of the time, while deer hunters in Maine are successful about 15-20 percent of the time.

However, in an interview with the Bangor Daily News, Maine moose biologist Lee Kantar stated that the reduction in moose permits has a negative impact on guides, sporting camps and rural Maine towns.

Kantar conducted a survey where 83 moose were captured and collared in early January in northern and western Maine.

“The thing that’s the challenge is that there’s no perfect data on how many moose are in any of those areas,” Kantar told reporter John Holyoke. What is causing this reduction in moose numbers? Kantar summed it up in one word: ticks!

In order to attempt to assess the population, DIF&W utilizes aerial flights to study the composition of the moose herd. Biologists also examine teeth from the moose to determine the animal’s age, measure antler spread, and monitor the number of ticks a moose carries, and examine cow ovaries in late fall to determine reproductive rate.

“Ultimately, we want to know about survival rates about cows and calves because they’re so crucial to our moose population, and whether we have growth or decline in stability,” Kantar told Holyoke. “We want to be able to predict at least the near future so we can satisfy what the public wants.”

In a press release from the MDIF&W, Kantar noted, “High success rates for moose hunters in northern Maine are consistent with what we are seeing with our moose survival study. Adult survival rates are consistently high in our study areas, and calf survival rates are higher in our northern Maine study area compared to our western Maine study area.”

Weather impacted many hunters, particularly in the first week of the season. Moose tend to travel less and spend more time in cover when it’s hot. It was also noted that hunter effort also declines during these periods.

However, despite all the efforts in studying moose, including analyzing blood, hair and fecal samples, and conducting a tick count, there still hasn’t been a way to prevent ticks from killing the moose.

Ticks continue to be a major nuisance in our surroundings. Maybe the answer lies in letting Mother Nature do it on her own, because sometimes human interference does nothing but make things worse.

In my article last week, I explained how it has been found that the presence of opossum could dramatically impact the tick population. But do the opossum have a place in our environment, and would their presence be detrimental to other animals in their respective regions?

The legislature’s IF&W committee has to come up with answers. It would behoove them to roll up their sleeves and get to work.

Roland’s trivia question of the week:

In 2010, what Red Sox rookie became the only player in AL history to hit a grand slam home run on the first pitch of the first at-bat of his career?

Answer can be found here.

I’m Just Curious: I just didn’t know!

by Debbie Walker

This column’s information came from Reader’s Digest “Extraordinary USES for ordinary things.” Some evenings I get caught up in the little bits of info and can’t wait to pass it on….. to you!!!!

My favorite “Did you know?” is in the 1920s when an employee of Johnson & Johnson, because of his accident prone wife, invented Band-Aids. He came up with the idea of sticking gauge pads to tape, covering with crinoline then rolling them back up. If his wife got cut or burned she could cut one off…ta-daaa a Band-Aid!!!

My mom says “tin foil” and I say “aluminum foil.” Household foil was made of tin until 1947 when aluminum foil was brought home. Did you know that one?

I knew baking soda had a lot of uses. Recently, I was educated on how to make “Slime” by my niece Haliegh. That’s one use and there are all the known uses. What I had never realized was its usefulness in putting out fires. Keep baking soda near the stove, barbecue, a box or two in the garage, and I am keeping a couple boxes in my truck from now on.

There has always been talks about beers in the past proclaiming New England or Rocky Mountains as their homes, oh and “Milwaukee’s finest,” and, of course, now we have all kinds of new beers right here in Maine! But did you know Pennsylvania has been home to more breweries than any other state?

Bubble Wrap wallpaper? They may have been thinking of padding cells that would make more sense than thinking I want that on my wall for decorating. My niece and I would have a ball breaking the bubbles! And yes, the inventers eventually went into packing supply business.

Thankfully my mom was not one of those “Castor Oil” mothers. Not only fed to kids, it’s also was used in paints, varnishes, lipstick, hair tonic, and shampoo. It was also used in plastics, soap, waxes, hydraulic fluids and ink. Thank you, Mom, for never feeding that to us.

Okay, we are switching now to my OMG Facts calendar for last year for just a note or two. I have no idea if any of it is true; however some seem funny enough to be true:

The Statue of Liberty wears a size 879 sandal.

The meaning of the phrase “Pipe Dream” refers to ideas thought up while smoking opium.

The Barbie doll’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts. (I had no idea!)

Barbie’s life-size measurements would be 39-23-33, standing 7 feet, 2 inches tall with a neck twice the length of a normal human’s neck.

For my Florida friends: there are more plastic flamingos in the United States than real ones (and most of those are in Florida! Ha Ha!!)

As usual, I am just curious what tidbits you might have tucked away. Please contact me at with your questions or comments. Don’t forget to check out us online!

REVIEW POTPOURRI: Conversations about Bernstein

Peter Catesby Peter Cates

Conversations about Bernstein
William Westbrook Burton, editor
Oxford Univ. Press, 1995, 198 pages.

Conversations is a volume of interviews with various individuals who knew and worked with the composer, conductor, pianist, author, TV personality extraordinaire, Leonard Bernstein (1918-1990), who was arguably the most famous man involved in classical music during the last 60 years. I have read bios by David Ewen, Joan Peyser, and Schuyler Chapin, each of whom has provided their own pieces of the fascinating puzzle comprising this genius.

As composer, he gave us the Broadway masterwork, West Side Story and other works, including at least 4 more musicals, assorted pieces for the theater and cinema and classical writings consisting of three symphonies, etc. As conductor of the New York Philharmonic from 1958-1969 and guesting with other orchestras, he recorded dozens of performances covering the well known repertoire and interesting, generally unknown pieces. As pianist, he did exciting records of Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue; the Mozart Piano Concertos 15, 17, 18, and 25; and the Beethoven 1st, while conducting from the keyboard. As author, he wrote the insightful Infinite Variety of Music. And finally as TV personality, he produced the Young People’s Concerts.

The book features talks with composers Lucas Foss and David Diamond, record producer Paul Myers, the late anti-Bernstein New York Times critic Harold C. Schonberg, and performers such as cellist Slava Rostropovich and singers Christa Ludwig and Frederica von Stade, all of whom share valuable insights.

Leonard Bernstein

But the crowning, most searingly eloquent and fascinatingly memorable interview was with singer Carol Lawrence, the Maria of the original Broadway production of West Side Story, which opened in 1957. According to her, Bernstein was very agreeable and supportive to work with but he ceded most responsibility for the staging to the brilliant perfectionist choreographer Jerome Robbins, who was one blankety-blank SOB for all of the cast to work with, especially Lawrence. He singled her out for the bulk of his scathing, judgmental, around- the-clock pitchers of acid. But, as with any production he worked on, he achieved the most phenomenal results, laying the groundwork as much as the composer Leonard Bernstein and lyricist Stephen Sondheim for the musical’s unimpeachably classic status!

One song in the show, the hit I Feel Pretty, was originally marked for destruction by “Jerry” Robbins but was left in and made its own contribution to the show’s success, as conveyed now in Lawrence’s own account:

“But the most wonderful part, told to me afterwards, was that after the show, as Oscar Hammerstein was walking up the aisle, he came over to Jerry and Lenny, who were at the top, watching from the back row and said: ‘Congratulations to both of you. This is an incredible milestone in the theatre.’ And he raved and raved about every aspect of the show. And then, turning to Jerry, he said: ‘But my favorite moment in the entire show came with the spontaneity of I Feel Pretty. I don’t know how you did it, but you encapsulated the joy of a young woman in love. And you are to be congratulated.’ And Jerry said, ‘Thank you.’ “

IF WALLS COULD TALK: The Invention of the Doughnut Hole

Katie Ouilette Wallsby Katie Ouilette

WHOOPS, walls, I’m not sure if you can talk about this or not, since it is invisible, sort-of. Yes, I just had breakfast and I ate the hole of Mrs. Dunster’s doughnut!

This is for you, faithful readers and WALLS, because I found information about the doughnut hole in my files. Georg Smith wrote it long ago in his column and, just like you, WALLS and faithful readers, he and I have been enlightened. You see, the hole-in-the-doughnut was invented.

Yup, it was invented by a 16-year-old young man by the name of Captain Hanson Crockett Gregory. O.K., WALLS, I can hear you laughing now! Invented? Well, according to the article, that doughy fried doughnuts were so dense and filling that the folks at work were slowed. But that isn’t the end of the story, faithful readers. You see, six men who had the absolutely delicious morsels, fell overboard, and being lethargic, they sank and drowned. And here’s one for you who like “new names for old favorites,” the doughnuts were called “greasy sinkers.” That is when Gregory got the idea to cut out the center of his ‘sinkers’ to make them lighter. Now, the town of Rockport, Massachusetts, has honored Gregory with a plaque at the place of his birth.

Now, WALLS, since you are on the subject of frying, do you remember my telling faithful readers in The Town Line last week that Attorney Robert Washburn is chairman of Governor Abner Coburn Day on March 22, and that ALL are invited to celebrate Maine’s governor who gave so much to so many? Well, Washburn is a very famous name in Maine history. The Washburn brothers, of Maine history, grew up in poverty but attained remarkable achievements. WALLS will tell you more about them in another column, faithful readers, as another time, you will hear about the name Washburn, as the brothers were once the owners of what you women know well…General Mills!

So, faithful readers, WALLS can be seen on The Town Line’s website, Oh, and another ‘find’ while searching. “Happiness is like Jam…You can’t spread even a little without getting some on yourself!”

SOLON & BEYOND: Week of March 22, 2018

Marilyn Rogers-Bull & Percyby Marilyn Rogers-Bull & Percy
Solon, Maine 04979

Good morning, dear friends. Don’t worry, be happy!

Keystone Chapter #78, Order of the Eastern Star held its Installation of Officers on March 16, in Solon. The Installing Suite consisted of Rebecca Bibber PGM, Grand Treasurer, Installing Matron; Dale Hanington PGP, Installing Patron; Julienne B. Irving PGM, Installing Chaplain, Rebecca Johnson PGM, Installing Marshal; Marjorie Pfeiffer PGM, Installing Organist; and Beverly Noonan DDGM, Star Point Ceremony.

The installation ceremony started with the entrance of 2017 Officers. Opening of the Bible Lord’s Prayer, Pledge of Allegiance, National Anthem; Declaration of Opening, Presentation and Welcoming of Distinguished Guests, Remarks by Worthy Matron and Worthy Patron, Introduction of Installing Suite, Retirement of 2017 – 2018 Officers, Recess.

Entrance of 2018 – 2019 Officers, Prayer by Installing Chaplain, Roll Call and Obligation, Installation of Worthy Matron, Installation of Worthy Patron, Music, Installation of Elective Officers, Installation of Appointive Officers, Proclamation of Installation, Music,

Star Point Ceremony, Address of Worthy Matron and Worthy Patron, Remarks, Closing the Bible, Closing Ode: Let There be Peace on Earth, Mizpah Benediction, Declaration of Closing, Retirement of 2018 – 2019 Officers, Grace, Refreshments in the Banquet Hall.

Keystone Chapter #78 OES officers installed for 2018 – 2019 are Worthy Matron, Eleanor Pooler PM, Worthy Patron, James A. Owens PGP; Associate Matron, Kathleen Perkins PM; Associate Patron, Rance Pooler PP; Secretary, William Merrill PP; Treasurer, Elaine Jillson PM; Conductress, Jean Morang; Associate Conductress, Midge Pomelow PM; Chaplain, Robert Ward PP; Marshal, Timothy Pomelow; PP; Organist, Douglas Drown; Adah, Charley Durgin; Ruth, Donalie Burbank; Esther, Barbara Merrill PM; Martha, Mary Thomas PM; Electa, Fred Toneatti; Warder, Roland Morang; and Sentinel, Neil Hunnewell PP.

Charity….Solon Food Cupboard, Colors….green and purple, flower, purple lilac and Cheer…Eleanor Pooler…643-2305.

Stated meetings are the first Thursday of each month at 7:30 p.m. Recessed in July and August. The April 5, 2018, meeting is past and present grand representatives.

There will be an Easter party on Saturday, March 24, from 1 to 3 p.m., at the Solon Fire Station. The Easter Bunny will make an appearance, and there will be snacks, games, and face painting. There will be an Easter basket raffle. This party is being hosted by the Solon Fire Auxiliary. My many thanks to Aryke Coombs for sharing this information with us.

My deadline is fast approaching. I started this column last night (and should have finished it then, because this morning has been rather hectic.) Tonight is painting night at Showhegan Adult Ed and I need to get ready for that! Sometimes the days just aren’t long enough! Thirteen people signed up for the painting club this session, many of the regulars and some new ones also, we have lots of fun, and the talent in that room is amazing!

And so for Percy’s memoir entitled, Kindness: Kindness that portrays A love that will endure, Kindness that reveals A hope that’s strong and sure. Kindness that exchanges Faith enough for today, Kindness that remembers A child along the way. Kindness won my heart, Such kindness born of love, Kindness that gave all And comes from God above. And may I learn from Him Such kindness to impart, Strength and grace and faith, To another lonely heart. (words by Elizabeth E.S. Williams.)

GARDEN WORKS: Gardening from an easy chair

Emily Catesby Emily Cates

Plan your dream garden while it snows

As I type this article, snow is gently and gracefully descending from the sky to my yard. I look out the window, captivated. It’s hard to be inspired to work in the garden when it’s snowing. However, there is a different – and some say as exciting – way to get your green thumb fix, all in the comfort and convenience of a cozy armchair. If snuggling up to a seed catalog comes to mind, then we’re on the same page. What other publications evoke such passion and nostalgia?

Our mailboxes and the cyber world are filled with all kinds of catalogs this time of year, begging for our attention. The glossies have their impossibly perfect pictures of flawless specimens, raising our hopes sky high that our gardens will likewise produce such beauties. One catalog offers what seems an unbelievable deal and another has a coupon for a specified amount of “free” merchandise (or shipping) if the cost of your order reaches a certain total. Another catalog claims unmatched quality and another has varieties that are “exclusive.” And yet another catalog is brimming with full-color photos of rare and endangered varieties that are so unusual you would wonder what planet they were from.

So many choices! So much hype! How can a practical-minded gardener keep it simple and affordable, yet remarkable and pleasant? Here are some hints, I hope they help:

First, I should mention that the best seeds are likely the ones you or your friends and neighbors lovingly saved from last year and thoughtfully maintained. However, when purchased seeds from a catalog are desirable, check the reviews for the seed company. Dave’s Garden and other online forums are oftentimes helpful to sift out the “bad seeds.” Also, make sure their offerings will grow in our cold northern climate. (Some companies actually grow their crops in warmer locations, yet market those varieties as being suitable for northern growers.)

Usually it is possible to tell if they are a “seedy” enterprise or not, especially when their catalog is honest in its descriptions as opposed to inflated hyperbole. Be realistic! A good rule of thumb is to order from a catalog where the seeds were grown in Maine or another location similar to ours. I have always had good results doing business with Maine companies such as Fedco, Johnny’s and Pinetree. Give these guys a try; each is a unique, high-quality seed company that has never disappointed me. All of them offer valuable heirlooms for small gardens as well as worthy commercial varieties for markets. Look for early bird specials, consider group ordering possibilities, and save on shipping by picking up your order whenever practical.

If you are looking for something truly unique that cannot be found anywhere else, read the descriptions carefully. Pay attention to the days to maturity and growing zones. Baker Creek Heirloom Seed Company and Sand Hill Preservation Center are both seed companies I would highly recommend for rare and heirloom varieties. Also check out the Seed Savers Exchange and Territorial Seed Co if you are interested in something different. Happy seed-searching!

FOR YOUR HEALTH: Five spring vacation tips

(NAPSI) — Presented by Carmex — If you’ll be spending time in sun-kissed climates on your next vacation, these tips can help you keep your skin, eyes and lips protected.

1. Travel like a pro: Stay moisturized while in flight. To combat notoriously dry airplane cabins, reach for a lip balm that contains cocoa butter. For example, Carmex’s Classic Original Jar can help soothe and moisturize even the most chapped lips.

2. Find some shade: Find a spot at the pool with an umbrella. You can also wear a hat with a brim all the way around that shades your face, ears and the back of your neck from the sun. Retreating from the sun’s strong rays and finding rest in the shade can help you stay protected and cool in the heat.

3. Drink plenty of water: Just like the rest of your body, your lips need nourishment. Be sure to pack a large refillable water bottle
for your trip and keep it near your beach bag so you’re more likely to drink water throughout the day.

4. Pack a lip balm with SPF: For much-needed sun protection on your lips, there’s Carmex Daily Care lip balm in a variety of delicious flavors including Fresh Cherry, Wintergreen and Strawberry. They’re all formulated with SPF 15 for sun protection and are specially designed to smooth, soothe and soften lips and restore their healthy look.

If your lips need more help, there’s the time-tested formula of Carmex Classic lip balm. Moisturizing and medicated, it’s made with camphor to provide pain relief, menthol for a cooling effect, and pure, refined white petrolatum to help protect and provide a healing environment. 5. Remember your sunglasses: Just as lips are sensitive to the sun, so are your eyes and the tender skin around your eyes. Wearing sunglasses can help keep these areas protected from the sun whether on the beach, near the pool or just spending time outdoors.

Learn More

For more facts and tips, go to

SCORES & OUTDOORS: What’s for suppah, Granny? ‘Possum stew and crawdad pie

Opossum, the tick vacuum.

Roland D. Halleeby Roland D. Hallee

“What’s for suppah, Granny,” is the question that comes from members of the Clampett family on the 1960s TV series, The Beverly Hillbillies.

“‘possum stew and crawdad pie,”replies Granny.

Not exactly appetizing if you ask me.

So, let’s get this question out of the way, right now.

First crawdads, or crayfish. They are delicious, but that’s a story for another time.

Opossums, on the other hand, taste pretty bad. They are edible, but are extremely greasy. They would probably be consumed only in a survival situation. They are high in protein, but must be well cooked. One person described it as “tasting like it had been cooked in a burning, plastic garbage bag.”

Why all this about opossums? Well, I saw one last week on my way to work, laying dead by the side of the road. I remember, a few years back, reporting about an opossum sighting in Winslow. But have heard very little since then.

Are they common in Maine? They are usually associated with the deep southern U.S.

Opossums are North America’s only native marsupial. They resemble a cross between a house cat and a giant rat. They are common in Maine, but mostly in the southern part of the state. They have migrated into Maine over the last 50 years, probably because of lack of habitat in their native areas.

At first, people were not all that thrilled about this creature supplanting itself in our environs. The animal has always been perceived as dirty and a possible threat to carrying rabies. All these theories are false.

Opossums may be your best defense against Lyme disease.

A study published in the American Journal of Public Health found that opossums, who are diligent self-cleaners with a tough immune system, are about eight times less likely to be carrying rabies than a feral dog. As they are constantly cleaning themselves, they can destroy up to 95 percent of all deer ticks that try to feed of them. Rick Ostfeld, author of a book on Lyme disease, and a senior scientist at the Cary Institute of Ecosystem Studies, best described opossums as “basically walking tick vacuums.”

Many ticks try to feed on opossums, but few of them survive. Opossums scurry about the forest floor sucking up ticks at a voracious rate. If you want to rid yourself of ticks from the backyard, it would be better if you had some opossums hanging around. You can go online and find instructions on how to build an opossum house, similar to birdhouses.

With the escalation of tick populations in Maine, opossums are man’s best friend. Opossums consider ticks a tasty snack, and an easy one at that. According to a study conducted by the Proceedings of the Royal Society B, a single opossum can wipe out between 5,500 and 6,000 ticks in a week.

John Smith, who founded the Jamestown colony in 1607, first recorded the name “opossum,” from the Powhatan language (opassom). Smith described the opossum: “hath a head of a swine…tail like a rat…of the bigness of a cat.” The Powhatan word is derived from a Proto-Algonquain word meaning “white dog or dog-like beast.” William Strachey, the first secretary of Jamestown, described the animal this way: “beast in bigness of a pig and in taste alike.”

The opossum, Didelphis virginiana, is a marsupial endemic to the Americas. They originated in South America and entered North America in the Great American Interchange following the connection of the two continents. Their flexible diet, and reproductive habits make them successful colonizers and survivors in diverse locations and conditions.

Opossums are usually solitary and nomadic, staying in one area as long as food and water are easily available. And, of course, we all know about the term “playing ‘possum,” the act of mimicking the appearance and smell of a sick or dead animal. What I didn’t know is that the response is involuntary, rather than a conscious act. The stiff, curled form can be prodded, turned over, and even carried away without a reaction from the animal. They will typically regain consciousness after a period of a few minutes or up to four hours.

Although not a handsome fella by most standards, the opossum has a very important place in our ecosystem, in regards to controling the dreaded tick. I wonder if I could convince a couple of them to hang around camp during the summer.

Roland’s trivia question of the week:

In 2004, which Red Sox pitcher was the winning pitcher in the clinching games of the ALDS, ALCS, and the World Series?

Answer can be found here.

I’m Just Curious: Love those T-shirts

by Debbie Walker

Last night I was looking through a couple of catalogs and I had to read the T-shirts. The following is my selection, hope you get a chuckle:

Sometimes I open my mouth and MY MOTHER COMES OUT (Sorry Mom!)
The older I get the meaner I get. I’m pretty sure within the next few years I’ll be BITING PEOPLE!!!
There is a fine line between GENIUS & CRAZY. I like to use that line as a JUMP ROPE!
I was married once. (NVR AGN) Now, I Just Lease.
PARENTHOOD is wanting to be with your kid forever one minute and being tempted to sell them the next!
I know the VOICES aren’t real but they have some great ideas!
Young at HEART Slightly Older in Other Places.
Limit Politicians to two terms: One in Office, One in Prison.
What do you call a Person who is Happy on Monday? RETIRED.
I tried to be Normal Once. It was the worst two minutes of my life!
The only EXERCISE I’ve done this Month is Running Out of MONEY.
If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. IF GRANMA ain’t happy…RUN!
Don’t Flatter Yourself, I only Look up to you because I’M SHORT.
My Day Starts Backwards: I wake up Tired and I go to bed Wide Awake.
My Smart Mouth ALWAYS gets me in Trouble, and if it’s NOT my Mouth, It’s my FACIAL EXPRESSIONS.
I’m not feeling very WORKY today.
I’m not short! I’m just compact & ridiculously adorable.
You call them Swear Words I call them Sentence Enhancers.
Of course Women Don’t Work as Hard as Men… WE GIT IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME!
WOMEN ARE ANGELS When someone breaks our wings, we Continue to fly – on a Broomstick. We’re flexible like that.
FUNCLE (feNGk(e)l) – noun Like a Dad, only Cooler.
See also: Handsome, Exceptional!
Being cremated is my last hope for a SMOKING’ HOT BODY.
CRAZY doesn’t RUN in our family…. It freaking GALLOPS!
I’M A wooden spoon, lead paint, no car seat, no seat belt, No bike helmet, bed of pickup riding, garden hose drinking SURVIVOR.
An APPLE a day will keep ANYONE away. If thrown hard enough.
Life is TOO SHORT to be SERIOUS ALL THE TIME. So, if you can’t Laugh at yourself, call me…. I’LL LAUGH AT YOU!
HOW DO I LIKE MY EGGS? Umm, in a Cake.
I’VE LOST MY MIND! And I’m Pretty Sure the KIDS Took It.
If I ever GO MISSING, follow My Kids. They can find me No Matter Where I TRY to HIDE!
TO MY CHILDREN: Never make fun of having to Help Me with the Computer Stuff. I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO USE A SPOON!
OF COURSE I SPEAK MY MIND My head would Explode if I kept All this BITCHING to Myself.
I HAVE 3 SIDES: 1. The Quiet & Sweet side. 2. The Fun & Crazy side. 3. The side you NEVER want to see.

I’m just curious if you have as much fun as I do with these things. I hope so. Please any questions or comments you can find me Thanks for reading!