Last night I was looking through a couple of catalogs and I had to read the T-shirts. The following is my selection, hope you get a chuckle:
Sometimes I open my mouth and MY MOTHER COMES OUT (Sorry Mom!)
The older I get the meaner I get. I’m pretty sure within the next few years I’ll be BITING PEOPLE!!!
There is a fine line between GENIUS & CRAZY. I like to use that line as a JUMP ROPE!
I was married once. (NVR AGN) Now, I Just Lease.
PARENTHOOD is wanting to be with your kid forever one minute and being tempted to sell them the next!
I know the VOICES aren’t real but they have some great ideas!
Young at HEART Slightly Older in Other Places.
Limit Politicians to two terms: One in Office, One in Prison.
What do you call a Person who is Happy on Monday? RETIRED.
I tried to be Normal Once. It was the worst two minutes of my life!
The only EXERCISE I’ve done this Month is Running Out of MONEY.
If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. IF GRANMA ain’t happy…RUN!
Don’t Flatter Yourself, I only Look up to you because I’M SHORT.
My Day Starts Backwards: I wake up Tired and I go to bed Wide Awake.
My Smart Mouth ALWAYS gets me in Trouble, and if it’s NOT my Mouth, It’s my FACIAL EXPRESSIONS.
I’m not feeling very WORKY today.
I’m not short! I’m just compact & ridiculously adorable.
You call them Swear Words I call them Sentence Enhancers.
Of course Women Don’t Work as Hard as Men… WE GIT IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME!
WOMEN ARE ANGELS When someone breaks our wings, we Continue to fly – on a Broomstick. We’re flexible like that.
FUNCLE (feNGk(e)l) – noun Like a Dad, only Cooler.
See also: Handsome, Exceptional!
Being cremated is my last hope for a SMOKING’ HOT BODY.
CRAZY doesn’t RUN in our family…. It freaking GALLOPS!
I’M A wooden spoon, lead paint, no car seat, no seat belt, No bike helmet, bed of pickup riding, garden hose drinking SURVIVOR.
An APPLE a day will keep ANYONE away. If thrown hard enough.
Life is TOO SHORT to be SERIOUS ALL THE TIME. So, if you can’t Laugh at yourself, call me…. I’LL LAUGH AT YOU!
HOW DO I LIKE MY EGGS? Umm, in a Cake.
I’VE LOST MY MIND! And I’m Pretty Sure the KIDS Took It.
If I ever GO MISSING, follow My Kids. They can find me No Matter Where I TRY to HIDE!
TO MY CHILDREN: Never make fun of having to Help Me with the Computer Stuff. I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO USE A SPOON!
OF COURSE I SPEAK MY MIND My head would Explode if I kept All this BITCHING to Myself.
I HAVE 3 SIDES: 1. The Quiet & Sweet side. 2. The Fun & Crazy side. 3. The side you NEVER want to see.
I’m just curious if you have as much fun as I do with these things. I hope so. Please any questions or comments you can find me firstname.lastname@example.org Thanks for reading!
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