Shared by Debbie Walker and Dee Dillaman
You know I love to read and so does Ms. Dee. Since I have been here in Florida, Dee as has been cleaning out her sewing room to give it some order, she has been sharing old newspaper clippings with me. I hope you enjoy them as we have today and once again cut them out to save for younger generations!! They will always bring a chuckle. What follows is not intended to offend anyone:
Letter from Mom
Dearest Redneck Son,
I’m writing this slow because I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address because the last Louisiana family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn’t have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I’m not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in it and pulled the chain. We haven’t seen them since. The weather isn’t bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven’t found out what it is yet so I don’t know if you are an Uncle or an Aunt.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.’
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down!
There isn’t much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your favorite Aunt,
This one is how I feel sometimes with computers:
I never could admit defeat. But now it’s clear – I’m obsolete.
When I hear someone say “dot-com,” I don’t know where they’re coming from.
A mystery that I still don’t get, Is what and where is the Internet?
When Larry said he had a mouse, I said, “Well, fumigate the house!”
Am I the only living female, Who doesn’t understand e-mail?
I always vote and pay my taxes, But I’m not sure just what a fax is.
Nor do I quite know what it means, When people go to church in jeans.
It doesn’t matter what we wear, The main thing is that we are there.
Sometimes, I must tell myself. “You’re old. You belong on the shelf!”
But really, that’s not hard to bear – I’m obsolete and I don’t care!
From “Nuggets and Doozies,” of Ann Landers.
Check out Creators Syndicate Web page: www.creators.com
Of course, I am just curious if you are still chuckling after reading this. I sure hope so. Don’t forget to cut out and share. Contact me at email@example.com. Thanks for reading!
Responsible journalism is hard work!
It is also expensive!
If you enjoy reading The Town Line and the good news we bring you each week, would you consider a donation to help us continue the work we’re doing?
The Town Line is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit private foundation, and all donations are tax deductible under the Internal Revenue Service code.
To help, please visit our online donation page or mail a check payable to The Town Line, PO Box 89, South China, ME 04358. Your contribution is appreciated!
- I’M JUST CURIOUS: Welcome to Citrus County, Florida
- I’M JUST CURIOUS: Interesting trip to Panama City Beach
- I’M JUST CURIOUS: The inner child in all of us
- I’M JUST CURIOUS: Crazy April holidays
- I’M JUST CURIOUS: How about some word puzzles?
- I’M JUST CURIOUS: A teacher’s solution for bullying
- I’M JUST CURIOUS: Soda jerks and diners
- I’M JUST CURIOUS: Crazy March holidays
- I’M JUST CURIOUS: Hearing loss can cause people to isolate themselves
- I’M JUST CURIOUS: Because I said so