As you may be aware, children in Maine are soon heading back into classrooms across the state, and so am I. After the kid’s book I just read I believe I am possibly looking forward to the first days more than our children. This is my book report:
The book I read is The Exceptionally Extraordinary Ordinary First Day of School by Albert Lorenz. The book has a story and it has “Facts.” I must admit that some “facts” in this book had me going over a few memories of my own. I remember seeing the big yellow bus coming down the road and my earlier excitement turned to FEAR! Guess what! According to this book the “fact” about the bus is: “School Bus – A terror filled nightmare on wheels. Where you sit depends on who you are. Life only gets worse from here on out.” (Well, isn’t that a lovely thought.) (All authored in fun, just saying!)
More Facts: “A Backpack – A place to store squished bananas, sandwich crusts and broken pencils.” (This reminds me of what we called a book bag and a lunch box and we actually carried a book or two.)
The book went on to some more “facts” as follows: Lips – the things on your face that you use to kiss your dog. Nose – The body part that yearns to have your finger in it. Tongue – the licking muscle. Facial Hair – what boys aspire to and girls dread. Teeth – Brush these twice a day or you will wind up like George Washington. He started losing teeth in his 20s and had dentures made from gold, ivory, lead, and animal teeth. (Not wood). Children – small but extremely intelligent humans. Delicious, too. Passing on – A nice way to say “pushing up daisies “or “kicked the bucket” or “eaten!”
I have to interrupt all these interesting facts from this book to direct this one to anyone who uses “hair gel” – Check out the ingredients on your bottle. Noble women in medieval England used bird droppings and lizard fat. On purpose!
Can’t you just imagine what a lovely book this is?! I can hear the kids now with all their comments “Oh, gross!, or oh, nasty!” all the while pushing for more “facts.”
Some of their critter definitions are:
Frogs – jumping amphibians that eat flies. And that have legs you can eat. Parrots – tropical birds that can learn to talk and are a pirate’s best friend. Flies – there are more than 300,000 kinds. Female houseflies lay 500 to 600 eggs in their lifetime of 30 days. Fish – the only pet your parents might let you have. They don’t bark, yowl or spit up hair balls. Cat – a furry creature that poops in a box.
Okay, so let’s not kill the messenger. I just thought I would pass on thoughts as were noticed by the author Albert Lorenz as he researched his book. Not to worry, as a college instructor told me: Childhood phases don’t usually last long; she just couldn’t promise the next one would be any better!
As usual, I am just curious what education this school year will bring (my education!). Find me at firstname.lastname@example.org for questions and comments. Thank you for taking the time to read!
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