I’M JUST CURIOUS: Do you bathroom read?

by Debbie Walker

I may wind up regretting this, but… you know I love to share knowledge (?). The back up story here is my friend, Edgar, who gave me a couple of books years ago. They have been packed in storage, but I found them again last week. The name of one book is Uncle John’s Supremely Satisfied Bathroom Reader, by the Bathroom Reader’s Institute.

One subject caught my eye: it is What’s in Toothpaste? Have you ever wondered what is in toothpaste? I can’t say I ever really wondered but when I saw this I had to know! I hope you will find this as fun as I did.

About 30 percent to 40 percent water (so many products are mainly water!)

Chalk. The same variety schoolteachers use. Did you know chalk is crushed remains of ancient ocean critters? They are rough but gentle enough to clean.

Titanium dioxide. It goes into white wall paint to make it bright. For at least a few hours it does the same for your teeth until it all dissolves and you swallow it. (Lovely thought, isn’t it, but wait! There is more!)

Glycerin glycol. It keeps the mixture from drying out. Did you know it is an ingredient in antifreeze?

Seaweed. It is made to allow oozing and stretching in all directions and hold the paster together.

Paraffin, it’s a derivative that keeps the mixture smooth.

Detergent. Toothpaste without foam and suds? What good would it be? It would be perfectly fine, but the public demands foam and suds.

Peppermint oil, menthol, and saccharin. These counteract the horrible taste of detergent.

Formaldehyde. The same kind is used in anatomy labs. Kills bacteria that creep into the tube from your brush and bathroom counter.

Does this recipe turn you off? Don’t worry, studies have shown brushing with plain water can be almost as effective.

Do you still want to read in the bathroom?

I am switching over to another Uncle John’s book. It is Uncle John’s Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader. The page about LOVE…And MARRIAGE.:

“I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got sick of finishing my own sentences.” (Brian Kiley)

“They say marriage is a contract. No, it’s not. Contracts come with warranties.” (Wanda Sykes)

“My husband and I celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary. I finally realized that if I had killed that man the first time I thought about it, I’d have been out of jail by now.” (Anita Milner)

“Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.” (Minnie Pearl)

“The Wedding March always reminds me of the music played when soldiers go off to battle.” (Heinrich Heine)

“Never get married in the morning – you never know who you might meet that night,” (Paul Hornung)

“Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up. (Evelyn Hendrickson)

For the last one, please don’t be offended) . “Before we got engaged, he never farted. Now it’s like a second language.” (Adela Rogers St. John)

I’m just curious if Edgar will realize he is responsible for this column!! Any questions or comments, contact me at DebbieWalker@townline.org . Have a great week!