by Debbie Walker

I knew one day I would do another column about T-shirt sayings but I never figured it would be this soon! I do get a kick out of some of them. I really hope you do too.

So here goes:

It clearly states PRINCESS on my birth certificate.

Sometimes when I open my mouth my mother comes out…(Honest Mom I would be proud!)

My alone time is sometimes for your safety.

I could be a morning person if morning happened at noon. (Oh yeah, that one could be me!)

I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.

Wait! I do not snore! I dream I’m a motorcycle!(That would be Ken, he swears he does not snore but he fibs!)

I’m just going to put an OUT OF ORDER sticker on my forehead and call it a day!

Never laugh at your wife’s choices, you are one of them!

The relationship between a husband and wife is psychological, one is Psycho, the other is Logical!

Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.

Back off I have a SISTER and I’m not afraid to use her! (I may be guilty of saying ‘you don’t want to meet the wrath of _____!)

I’m going to stop asking How dumb can you get? People seem to be taking it as a challenge.

I turn BEER into pee. What’s your superpower?

DON’T GROW UP It’s a trap! (I’m lucky; my Grammy warned me about this growing up business!)

The best thing about the good old days was that I wasn’t good and I wasn’t old.

Sometimes I meet people and feel bad for their dog.

You are about to Exceed the limits of my medication!

Don’t judge my dog and I won’t judge your children.

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me… I’ll train you!

No I don’t need anger management, you need to stop –issing me off!

When I die, the dog gets Everything!

So if a redhead goes crazy, is it called Ginger Snaps? (Don’t even think about it Ken, it wouldn’t be healthy!)

No need to repeat yourself, I ignored you just fine the first time! (That is the kind of stuff going through Ken’s head!)

I may be Left handed but I am always Right!

A little gray hair is a small price to pay for all this Wisdom! (there is always hair dye, it might be true that hair dyes kill off brain cells!)

I should come with a warning label!

When I was a kid I wanted to be older… this crap is not what I expected!

As far as I know I am just Delightful!

Some days the supply of curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!

Does running late count as Exercise?

Okay, that’s enough of that! So how many of those sound familiar? Questions and/or comments appreciated. Find me at dwdaffy@yahoo.com Sub line: t-shirts. Thanks for reading and don’t forget our online version!

by Debbie Walker

Did you know there is a dictionary of dictionaries? Yup, sure enough. I was at a yard sale recently and there was this huge thing! Well it is a book and it was large so, of course, I had to check it out. (I have a thing for dictionaries)

It is Webster’s Encyclopedia of Dictionaries, North American Edition. So…in this book that if I refer to it as WED you will know what I am talking about. It holds an amazing amount of information.

There is a regular Webster’s Dictionary in it.

Next is a section of Synonyms, Antonyms and Homonyms. Anyone know what all these are? Someday I may use that section.

The next section is Crossword Puzzle Dictionary. I may have use for that one. The next collection is the Medical Dictionary. I probably wouldn’t use that. This dictionary is the 1976 model and is way behind what the computer can tell you now.

So as we travel on there is the Bible Dictionary. I am guessing it’s all the words and maybe names you would find in the Bible. I doubt any of that has changes recently.

Too funny! The next one is the Rhyming Dictionary of one and two syllable rhymes. I would probably be tempted to use that section one day, especially if some part of that would help the kids at school. They loved rhyming stories last year.

Next on this trip through this huge book is the Music Dictionary. So far, in looking at this section, the only thing I understand are the words naming the musical instruments. The other words might as well be written in Greek!

Next in our adventure is the Book of Familiar Quotations. Shakespeare said, “Abuse is the bitter clamor of two eager tongues.” About acting, of course, Shakespeare said, “All the world is a stage.” Now I might use that section for a column someday.

Onward is the Legal Dictionary, I probably won’t be interested in that one. But you never know for sure.

The Dictionary of Scientific Terms, yuck! I have absolutely no interest there!

After that is Outline of U.S. History. Now I may have to cruise that one a bit. The problem I have with written history is you have to think about who is writing what and why. The old writings about anything involving Native Americans is usually trash talk.

Gazetteer Atlas – okay – well it has the information about countries and states. Probably very outdated info, some countries have even been renamed since I left school.

I’m just curious what kind of books you have laying around. Enjoy your read. Questions and/or comments you can send to dwdaffy@yahoo.com. Sub: Dictionaries

Thank you for reading! (Check out our paper online if you can.) That book is so big I think I will give it its own name; maybe a good one would be Harriet!

by Debbie Walker

You know by now that I have a love for odd, not the normal (?) books. I can’t help it, some of them are just so amusing and some have amazing information.

This past trip to the south (two weeks ago) offered me some very good pickins’ for books. One book I had to have is titled Thangs YANKEES Don’t Know, by Bil Dwyer. By the title you can tell the south is still blistered by the fact they lost THE war.

In this very southern book I found the section of “Rustic Remedies.” The author does give a note of warning and does suggest you should talk to your medical professional before trying any such remedies. Here are a few for you to contemplate:

Arthritis – Drink a mixture of honey, vinegar and moonshine. (Any wonder how this one works!)

Athlete’s Foot – Step in fresh cow dung (sure I’ll get right over to the neighbor’s pasture!)

Burns – Scrapings from a raw potato will draw out the fire. (I’ll bet that one works.)

Colds – Drink whiskey and honey mixed or a mixture of honey and vinegar. (Throw in some moonshine and fix your arthritis and the cold!)

Pneumonia – Give patient two teaspoonful of oil rendered from skunk fat. (Sure and they would have this at our nearest pharmacy?)

Sores – Put a little lard around the sore and let the dog lick it. The dog’s saliva will cure it.

Stop bleeding – Use chimney soot or spider webs. (A friend’s mom actually did that spider web thing on him and it worked. She also used black pepper to stop bleeding.)

Warts – Rub a clove of garlic on it every day or rub the wart with a rock and put the rock in a box. The person who opens the box will get the wart (!!!!). (Another friend of mine used clear nail polish. That one actually worked!)

Chicken pox – Can be relieved by letting a rooster fly over their head. (!!!)

Corn – To remove corn, rub it with a grain of corn, then feed the corn to a black chicken.

Cramps – If your toes cramp put your shoes upside down under your bed. (I have to tell Ken that one!)

Earache – Fried onion juice poured in the ear or persimmon sap. (Oh yuck!!)

Whooping cough – Get rid of this malady by getting a stick as long as you are and throwing it into the attic. (???)

Dizzy spells – Mixture of blackberry juice and moonshine (how do they think they got dizzy? That moonshine would be my guess!)

I know you probably have a few of these ingredients on your grocery list right now so you can be prepared! All the credit for collecting this information goes to the author Bil Dwyer and I have enjoyed sharing all this with you. Hope it gave you a chuckle or two!

And I will always be curious! Contact me at dwdaffy@yahoo.com sub line: southern remedies.

Thanks for reading!

by Debbie Walker

The other day my mom stopped in with one of my aunts, a cousin and two great-cousins. Poor Ken, we are a rather loud family when together. Even poor Benji, our grumpy old Shit-zu reacted by barking at us because he doesn’t like loud.

Some of you know that I have written some Fairy stories, 21 at last count. I know it will sound strange but I find my writing is assisted by what I happen across for critters (toys). Recently I was given a little rabbit (toy) with such a look on his face, his name is now Hiram. His story is running through my mind just waiting for me to write it.

These critters usually sit on my kitchen table until I introduce them by giving each its own story, and add it to my collection of stories. We live together in a way.

When the girls were here, Christy Ray (great-cousin) asked me if I was still writing fairy stories. So… we were off in our own little fairy world! Mom certainly came to life on that note! She explained that she has had three adult children and one who is a forever child. Guess who she meant, with me sitting here showing Christy Ray (16) my latest critters and thoughts of my next stories.

I will admit I enjoy being “a child.” My grandmother, mom’s mother, told me that we have to grow older chronologically, however we don’t have to grow up. She was 81 when she told me that! And my grammy wouldn’t lie!

Keep in mind I work with first graders at school and I love it. I have this past year’s five, six and seven year olds convinced (?) that I am only five years old. I turned six on my birthday in January, they insisted. However on the last day of school I became five again for the fall’s children!

I said all that to tell you we all have a little child inside. Don’t be intimidated into keeping him/her inside and hidden. You will so enjoy the time spent with him/her. Even when your “child” is not front and center people will be impressed with your child-like enthusiasm for life. I can’t say for sure that we will live longer, however you will so enjoy your time here!

Of course I am just curious if you are enjoying your inner child. For any questions or comments I am reachable at dwdaffy@yahoo.com sub: inner child.

Thanks for reading! Don’t forget to check us out online!

by Debbie Walker

It’s that time of year again. It’s the time of year when children want to play in the water. It is always intended to be wrapped up in fun and hopefully some learning.

Children reach a certain skill level in the water. It is somewhat different with each child even if they attended the same classes.
Please remember that children are never completely safe. They still make the wrong choices sometimes, even your teens (even adults sometimes!)

Part of all this I know because I was mom and dad’s water rat child. I loved the water, still do. There was one day when my cousin and I decided to see how far we could swim, we could swim out and then come back. We had gotten to the lake, across the road from my home, without knowledge of either mother. (We were tweens at this point) We were lucky that day. We thought turtles were nipping at our toes and we headed back to shore. Had it not been for the turtles (?) we might have stroked till we went as far as we could and might have used up our strength, oh maybe, mid-lake. There was no raft, etc. to rest on, just the other half of the lake. It might not have turned out well for us.

Please parents, grandparents and friends, remember children of all ages need careful supervision. Don’t rely on them hollering for “Help.” Drowning is usually ‘silent’ despite what some folks think. Please don’t leave them even for a minute. It’s just not safe.

I’m just curious if you would be comfortable asking me any water safety questions. I’m here at dwdaffy@yahoo.com.

I would like to tell you that we will be starting a new column: “IN CASE YOU WONDERED.” The plan is for it to be about a favorite subject of mine and I hope you will enjoy it. I am doing it on ‘uses’ of ordinary products used for surprising results. Some of it will be me answering questions others ask about the uses, feel free to e-mail me at dwdaffy@yahoo.com with any questions you may have or any odd-ball uses of things that you have found in the past. Lately one that surprised me was using “glow-in-the-dark” nail polish to mark a light switch that is difficult to find in the dark. It works! I found the nail polish on Amazon. I am going to paint my nails with it to show my little first graders tomorrow! (Some days I just have too much fun!)

I am hoping you will be looking for it every other week. Oh, and don’t forget we have an online version of The Town Line. You can read current copies and past columns in the archives.

Hope you enjoy the paper and your summer!