I’ve been told before to “question what you read. Don’t just accept it as fact.” This column today would be one to question.
The information contained here was sent to me as an e-mail quite a while ago. I don’t remember who sent it to me nor do I have any idea where it originated. I got a kick out of it, and I thought maybe you might too. I’ve added a few comments of my own.
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop. (Unless you suffer from high blood pressure, then See #3.)
Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat and not putting it back by using the sink. (Is this not a problem in most every home? Ladies I would use a strong cleaner in your sinks daily after this info passes to all male readers!)
For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to set the timer. (As far as I’m concerned this beats the days of the leaches, that person who used to bleed people with leaches years ago. I’m sure it was easy to get leaches in the summer. Just stand in the lake or river. When you come out just remove them all from your body, do this as many times as needed – be careful of their own blood pressure. But I am curious what they did for leaches in the winter.)
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you’ll be afraid to cough. (Just to be on the safe side if you choose to use this remedy I’d suggest some adult diapers. But, just today, I read to put Vicks on the sole of your feet, not on your chest to get rid of a bad cough).
A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock. This tip will prevent you from rolling over and going to sleep after you hit the snooze button. (You’ll have to get up and go ice your fingers. Not a great way to start your day. Might be a great way to get a teenager to get out of bed in the mornings. Child abuse, maybe?)
You only need two tools in life: WD-40 and Duct tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape. (Last summer my leg brace had a real squeak to it. Steve, our contractor, told me if I didn’t have WD-40 I could always use Pam cooking spray! He said it might dry out quicker but it would smell better!)
If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem (or maybe plumbing problem. Speaking of plumbing, did you know if you put the handle of a plunger in the ground and the plunger part is up you now have a drink holder? Oh and to decorate the handle, use cammy duct tape!).
Remember: everyone seems normal until you get to know him or her.
Okay those are a few simple (useless) solutions. But I have a couple of questions. Who and how did someone figure out to use Preparation H for puffy eyes in the morning? Who and how did someone discover you could clean your toilet with denture tablets or alka-seltzers? Those are only a couple of my questions. And people wonder why “I’m just curious!” There may be some things I’m just better off not knowing.
I’m just curious if you know there is more where all this stuff has come from!
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